A YEAR SO FAR OF WHAT THE FUCK
As usual its been a while since I sat and wrote. Its usually because of the same bullshit excuses that most of us use on a whimsical whim as a feeble attempt of finding a perfectly valid self convincing belief that we just didn't have the time, we've been so busy, ya know living to work, or was it meant to be working to live? Who the fuck knows really!
I'd been sitting on all sorts of thoughts and having vague conversations with myself in my head about the mess that continues to unfold in one way or another, I feel sad, watching it all, without sounding like a sad old nanna, what kind of world are we leaving for everyone after us?
We all came to a big fuck off stand still with shock in March this year. Mouths gaping wide open speechless, eyes full of 'oh shit', our brains in a scrambled heap not quite knowing what day it was as each day merged into a mushy old mess of endless something or other days/nights (depending on whether you're a night bird or not).
If you were suddenly feeling like you were mourning the loss of the only thing that ever truly knew your inner soul and every darkened twisted corner it housed, you actually were. An invisible torture device of sit the fuck down and take a good look at the world around you, outside of you and at your life, arrived into our creative spaces, stealing away each Tattooists own unique relationship that they had with tattooing. It was right in front of our noses, there was nothing we could do, almost like watching our car get clamped and towed away in front of us...we definitely felt a sense of being robbed. What a fucking year and we aren't even done with it yet haha! I thought I would pay some honest acknowledgement to what the previous months had left a lot of us with, emotions and thoughts wise.
So far this year, We have been slapped in the face with a sign of do not pass go, we all spent time in our little jails, frustrated and fore-lorn, wondering when we would be 'free' again. We became aware or should I say more honest and more vocal about quite frankly fucking disgusting and abusive acts from other tattooists and held them accountable, We've watched the horrors of embedded institutional racism rage through humanity with such vilified hatred, we have watched the war of opinions on the Virus create more divisions, lets be honest here, its felt really fucking shite being outside of our safe little creative bubbles. We have been dragged through fear and I would say most of us feel like we are walking through tippy toe grand central station, waiting for the next fastest train to 'what the fuck next'. But we had to wake the fuck up.
This year so far, has been a year for us all to learn, to question ourselves, question others, what is it we are striving for personally? Realizations arrived that maybe brought us to saddened awakenings, that there is more to everything than what we think we are a part of, we've strengthened our bonds with friends or maybe we realized what we thought they were, they were not and we walked away, maybe we found that we had been ignoring the essential parts of our souls that had been muffled underneath the noise of machinery. This year isn't done with us by no fucking means, I'm swearing alot here, I know, but if I write I'll write it from my heart and I'm afraid there are an awful vast amount of swear words in there that just need to come out. (I did previously mention darkened corners of the soul).
I believe we have so much more to encounter yet during these next few months. But I hope we keep learning as we have been so far, I hope we don't take things for-granted anymore and forget everything we felt when we felt lost and everything we have come to understand about ourselves, or the promises we made ourselves and each other, I hope we will keep fighting to protect those that need us, I hope that the selfless keep reaching out with love and support and that this human action becomes the new virus.