GRATEFUL

I will always keep coming back to this subject of being grateful, because from my own journey through my life and my life choices, a fair few of them being quite shit, to be where I am right now in my life, I am grateful. Being given such trust and for another person to believe in my capabilities, is immense. I'm not even sure if the word 'immense' is actually the right word I want to use, for grouping various levels of feelings for me to try to describe from an inside experience and from the outside perspective of tattooing a fellow tattooer. In this photo with my colleague and friend Tomas, I see a different perspective from what I have seen from the photo with Mario, in a previous blog post on here. I feel like I am the one who appears vulnerable and my comrade is the one who is holding me through the sitting. I think whilst looking at this image, I am recalling back how I felt, I was fucking nervous! I still doubt myself a lot (I don't ever see that trait in me ever going) Label it how you want, low self esteem, low self worth, anxiety infused, over analytical (and here I am writing a blog HAHA) I hate categories, but most folk tend to need them, to know how to interact with you. I'm grateful for that self doubting trait in me, that very same self doubt is going to keep me in check, slap my ass and say sort your shit out, it will push me to give more than what I believe I can give, its voice will criticize everything I do, it will stretch my thoughts, it will probably bring tears to my eyes and it will keep a fire burning at my heels. I will never fight that never ending self torturing voice, in fact, I'm going to hold its hand, smile and tell it, alright..come on then, lets fucking play.

Angel

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