LIFE PASSIONATE HUMANS
The last few weeks have brought an amalgamation of varied unique colourful shards of beauty and creativity not only into the studio, but into my days too. Its as though these shards have been throwing light into what could have been a very dark and lonely time for myself as an artist. These wondrous shards were meant to be there at those times, at the right times. Guest artists not only bring with them a vibrancy, but different fresh perspectives that seep into everyone in the studio, one way or another, they are a gift to each one of us when they arrive.
The ending of my marriage has been the hugest shock to me and the emotional devastation from that, exploded the hugest disarray of chaos into how my mind works. Blinding that section of the brain that keeps you from wading into a murky deep psyche of broken self worth. It makes you feel as though you've lost a connection to everything that is so obviously still there, it never went away, just got covered in a ton of fucking shit, but that cunt of a barrier goes up and blocks your way forward. Thanks head.
But I discovered, from the interactions and conversations that life had put in my days after said wall of destruction was erected, it does get pulled right the fuck back down. Because its not meant to be there, it has no place there. Fuck it off and if you can't right now, sit tight and keep sight it will be ripped back down, because its not mean to be there.
I have had such life passionate humans around me, artists, clients and friends, some will remember our conversations and know and there are also some who won't realise the positive impact they've had. I see even more clearly now that their warmth, care and understanding of life's inevitable complications has been able to smash down that destructive wall, it placed a pause on me growing and stepping further on that path of mental self discovery, I'm calling this self discovery, because with every single interaction with another being, you discover more about yourself, if you are willing to stop and process those moments. Today is a pretty good day for reflection. I think I will try to swallow those moments of awkwardness and graciously accept them, where an artist you admire and respect gives you a compliment about your work, I will always give them the same back, but being more open to the exchange of unconditional appreciation to one another is a step further.
I'm sure when, or even if any of you read my last ramblings and thought I sounded angry, I was, I have no shame in that. I was amidst this very battle I am talking about here, the destructive Psyche was in motion, I was sad that I was trying my hardest to climb over that huge blockage of negativity that I was left with, but it had taken a big fucking seat in my house and it really wasn't fucking welcome, the war was on and survival mode had kicked in because I didn't want it to steal my life away from me, because that's how it felt.
Every single one of us goes through torment that fucks how the creative juices flow or not flow at some point when life throw us in a big hole of dirt and we'd quite joyfully stab our own selves in the eye with a fork, just to be able to get something done. Tattooing isn't just about making a living, sure I need to survive, pay my bills, but the internal joy, self discovery and love that goes into this, is bigger than money.
That is living.