ALWAYS FROM THE HEART
Overdue, long over due processes. Its been a couple of months since I came back from what turned out to be my preparation ground for reuniting with my own strengths. In fact, I believe this ground actually came in 2 parts come to think of it. 2 different tattoo conventions in opposite ends of the world from each other.
Each one has become embedded into my life journey now and both of them have given me a priceless gift. I was already gratfeul for the fact that I had travelled through some horendous times and survived in a way to see what I had, the possibilities ahead, the fact that I was alive and able to appreciate the most simple things that brought that sense of calm and contentment, I could have very easily ended up in a very different state.
I will tell you a little more about myself each time I write my shit here and now is the time to write from my heart, I don't believe there's any other way to be honest. To say it direct, You see when I give myself to something I love, I give myself entirely. Its all or nothing with me, with anything that fills my heart, my soul, my brain. Good or bad haha
When I got clean from my Heroin addiction, (this was some time ago) I knew what it was that I needed and wanted to do. I also knew it would be one of the things in my life that would accept and work with all of the fucked up shit in my head and use it as rocket fuel for something positive in my life. All I wanted to do was create; to release the images in my head, ones that came with sounds, ones without and ones that gave a visionary reality to personal emotional events I went through. I wanted to feel that endless indescribable feeling of THAT process, you know, THE process of the idea becoming a reality, the way it literally seeps through every blood vessel in your body, the way you can't stop thinking about it until you've finished the final step, when you breathe a fulfilled breath. You know, like having great sex and knowing you're going to reach that fucking awesome climax?! (unlucky for those that don't)
I'm describing the process that I experience, I don't think I'm alone with this. We are talking about the kind of love that sticks by your side, stays true to your heart, understands that your life without those feelings of exciting creative processes is empty and the self would become a nothing, a dark hole devoid of life. I couldn't even begin to imagine how I could function like that ever gain, I wasn't able to before.
Here's an example; I'm in the beginning stages of a new painting, the planning, mapping it out stage, where my ideas are zooming in and around, I know what I'm going to do, its captivated me, I can feel that visionary release that's ahead, I can feel those frustrating moments where I am so tired but just can't stop to go to bed and sleep. My thoughts are consumed with each step of this process, I want to shut myself away and just keep going until I reach that end point of completion. That Climax.
What a fucking amazing mind space to lose yourself in, what is more honest and pure, I tell you something for free, its better than any fucking drug out there.
I won't lie, I like to have a little party here and there, (plenty of us do, not too often though, I can't stand working with a hangover, it means I'm not giving a 100%) definitely not fucking Heroin, you see where I am now, RIGHT now in my life, despite the emotional shit cunt pain I'm currently going through in my personal life, I would never make the choice to be a street homeless junkie again over THIS life, a life of tattooing, a world of art, creations and my fucked up weird paintings, Inspiring and creative people and the people who chose me to tattoo them.
Because THIS life, saves my fucking soul every day.